BLOG: Time Management for Couples: 3 Common Challenges & What to Do About Them

Peace, Alignment, Intimacy & Getting Sh*t Done

In today’s fast-paced world, you’re likely juggling A LOT. Managing your own time is tough enough, then you add another person into the mix, like a beloved, and it gets even more difficult, stressful and frustrating. Then if you add in kids, that adds a TON of new demands and complexities too. 

“Finding time” to get the basics of day-to-day life covered can be a daunting task. When you’re stretched with the basics, time with your beloved or on your own becomes almost laughable. 

Juggling your own needs, your beloved’s, work and family responsibilities and life in general, can certainly put a serious strain on a relationship. 

This IS hard. It’s NOT you or your beloved. This common struggle ISN’T you or your beloved or your dynamic together. It’s so common it’s cliché. So don’t despair. This may be hard, but there IS hope and you DO have options.

The key is to develop healthy HABITS. Habits that not only help you get things done, they help you stay connected and on the same team. You don’t have to be a purist or perfect, but if you focus on PROGRESS you can...

• Create greater peace, flow and freedom in your day-to-day experience.
• Align and balance your individual priorities. 
• Accomplish a lot more with greater ease.
• Cultivate greater connection, intimacy and fun together.

That is IF you’re willing to look honestly at what is NOT working and how YOU can do better. 

Just don’t forget that it’s NOT about loving perfectly. It’s about Loving Better. 

AND that while it’s great to inspire your beloved with any action you take, do NOT pressure them to do anything. That just doesn’t work and actually just gets between you. 

3 Common Challenges  

Each relationship has its unique dynamics, yet when it comes to time management, there are three core and common challenges most couples struggle with. 

By recognizing how, when and where these three core challenges in time management show up in YOUR relationship, you set yourself up for a clear path forward. The “problem” IS the PATH! 

Consider these top three challenges, how they show up in YOUR relationship and most importantly, what you can do about it!  Don’t miss the Action Option at the bottom of this page. 

   CHALLENGE #1 LIMITATIONS
     “There’s Not Enough Time !” 

If you’re stretched for time, energy and motivation to invest in intimacy, you’re not alone.  For most people, there’s A LOT to do in a day. Even as ONE person it can be really difficult to manage your own day, let alone manage time for two people or more if you have a family. 

There’s a lot of competition for your attention, energy and TIME and there are a variety of limitations and constraints influencing, (or even demanding), what you do with the time you do have.

Which of the following eight time LIMITATIONS trip you and your beloved up the most?

• Conflicting WORK Schedules: Do you have demanding jobs or different working hours?
• Overlapping COMMITMENTS: Do you have lots of commitments and obligations that compete for the same time?
• Unsynchronized FAMILY schedules: Do you have the schedules of not just the two of you, but kids or others to factor in and no real system for aligning all your schedules as one?
• FINANCIAL pressures: Are financial concerns limiting the amount of time you have together or your ability to enjoy that time? Do one of you feel burdened with the financial responsibilities? 
• Emotional EXHAUSTION: Are you stressed, fatigued, or emotionally exhausted and just have no motivation or energy for investing time and effort into your relationship?
• Conflicting SOCIAL calendars: Do you each want differing amounts or kinds of socializing or do your social plans compete with each other? 
• TECHNOLOGY distractions: Is excessive use of smartphones, social media, video games or other digital distractions negatively impacting the amount and quality of time you have together.
• Inefficient use of SHARED calendars: Are you not fully using your shared calendars and struggling with double bookings, missed appointments or important things not happening when they need to? 

      CHALLENGE #2 PRIORITIES
    “This is more important than that!” 

When partners have varying priorities, interests, and expectations regarding how they spend their time, conflicts can arise. Clashes in expectations, conflicting personal goals, and disagreements over whatever “down time” you may have, can create tension and throw a monkey wrench in the flow of your day AND your dynamic as a couple. ‍

Which of the following PRIORITIES trip YOU up the most when it comes to time management (and to making time to be together)?

• Conflicting VISIONS & EXPECTATIONS: Do you have different values, visions, goals, or expectations regarding your time together, alone, or with family?
• BOUNDARIES & TIME ALLOCATION: Are you struggling to set or honor boundaries between work, personal time, and couple time? Do you feel there's an imbalance in the effort invested into the relationship and managing your home?
• Lack of QUALITY TIME & ENERGY LEVELS: Does one of you want more time together than the other? Are busy routines and conflicting priorities leading to a scarcity of quality time? Do differences in energy levels (morning person vs. night owl) conflict with your connection times?
• SELF-CARE & FLEXIBILITY: Do you struggle with prioritizing self-care or finding time for your personal needs? Are rigid routines or a lack of spontaneity limiting your opportunities for time together?
• DOWN TIME & HOBBIES: Are you experiencing conflicts over how to spend your downtime? Do you feel there's little or no time for individual or shared hobbies, leading to resentment or guilt?

    CHALLENGE #3 COMMUNICATION
        “Why didn’t you tell me ?!” 

Poor communication around schedules, appointments, deadlines and all the varied demands on your time is a recipe for disaster. Failure to clearly and regularly communicate about your time, schedule and desires can lead to misunderstandings, missed opportunities, conflicting commitments and unnecessary and avoidable tension. 

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." - George Bernard Shaw

Which of the following 5 COMMUNICATION challenges trip YOU up the most?

• Lack of ALIGNMENT about schedules: Do you struggle with aligning your various schedules? Are you experiencing conflicts, overlap or misunderstandings around your availability?
• Differing APPROACHES to time management: Do you two have different organizational styles and approaches to managing your time? Is one of you more of a planner and likes routines and one of you likes to leave things more loose? 
• Not sharing your NEEDS: Do either of you not speak up about your needs around how you spend your time? 
• Inability to DELEGATE responsibilities: Are you challenged by getting other people to help manage tasks? Do you need to do it yourself or hesitate to seek support? 
• Unresolved CONFLICTS: Do you have any unresolved conflicts that are impacting your desire to spend any quality time together or even to work together to make day-to-day life work and flow more smoothly?

Layer, Interact & Exacerbate

These challenges often layer, interact and can exacerbate one another. Things start to build up, until one day there’s a blow up. 

It’s NOT simple nor easy, but it IS important to “call out” what is tripping you up the most, so little by little you can “call yourselves UP” and start making subtle shifts until you start to notice big changes.

Subtle shifts can lead to BIG changes.

Healthy Habits

Yes, time management IS difficult, and this hurdle isn’t really ever going away, but the good news is that there ARE a variety of healthy HABITS to choose from to help you manage your time so you can experience more of what you want and less of what you don’t want in love and life. 

Pick something, anything from the list below and then PRACTICE it. 

‍

"Which of these HEALTHY HABITS would make the biggest difference for you and your relationship? What do YOU commit to?

• Align Your PRIORITIES and Create a Shared VISION: Understand what's most important for each of you individually, then describe your shared vision for life together. Use this vision to guide your choices.
• Be INTENTIONAL and Designate Time: Outline your ideal plan, including backup plans in case of hurdles. Be both intentional and flexible, setting aside specific times for individual and shared priorities.
• Establish ROUTINES and Use SYSTEMS: Create daily, weekly, and monthly routines to bring structure and ease into your life. Use shared calendars and time management tools to stay coordinated and avoid misunderstandings.
• Delegate and Embrace SUPPORT: Share the load by dividing responsibilities according to strengths and preferences. Hire help or trade favors with friends to lighten the load when you can.
• Manage OVERCOMMITMENT and Prioritize SELF-CARE: Learn to say 'no' and be sure you both make time for your basic well being needs. 
• Be FLEXIBLE and Stay ENGAGED: Life happens, so be open to adjusting schedules as needed. Maintain communication about changes as they emerge.
• Respect BOUNDARIES and Value Each Other's Time:  Understand that your time and your partner's time are BOTH important. Before making new plans or commitments that impact your shared moments, always consult each other.
• Support Each Other and Seek Joint SOLUTIONS: Encourage each other’s personal goals and work together to find solutions when schedule conflicts arise. A united front is always stronger.
• COMMUNICATE Regularly: Keep the lines of communication open with daily check-ins, weekly planning sessions, and monthly deep dives. Share updates, discuss upcoming commitments, and current priorities.
• Practice Active LISTENING and Resolve Conflicts Promptly: Listen to understand, not reply. Address conflicts as they arise so it doesn't fester.

            WHEN

                  ❤ Daily check ins - 5 min (Alerts, appreciations, & asks)
                  ❤ Weekly meetings - 15 min (Upcoming commitments, allocate
                   time, set priorities. What’s coming up, who is needed to be
                   where and when, etc. 
                  ❤ Monthly deep dives - 30 min (What’s coming up? What’s working,
                   what can be better? Are we spending our time on the best things?) 
                  ❤ BONUS Learn other tips and get example agendas for daily, weekly,
                   monthly, quarterly and annual Marriage Meetings.

            HOW

                  ❤ Practice active listening and empathy.
                  ❤ Prioritize resolving conflicts promptly to maintain a positive
                   atmosphere.
                  ❤ Seek professional help, if needed, to address unresolved issues.

It’s NOT You (or your Beloved)

Managing time and maintaining a thriving relationship IS a challenge. Balancing personal needs, work, family, and shared goals strains your ability to find peace, create productivity, feel aligned or enjoy intimacy. These difficulties are not a reflection of you or your beloved. They’re common struggles faced by most couples. 

If you’ve been struggling to have the time to do the things you need and want to do, don’t get discouraged. Yes this IS hard. Just keep doing your best and resetting when needed. 

Explore new healthy habits that not only help you manage your time but also foster connection, teamwork, intimacy and fun.

Create shared visions and calendars, draft plans and routines, but most of all, COMMUNICATE, to overcome these challenges and experience greater peace, flow, and freedom in your relationship and daily lives. 

Progress Over Perfection

Remember, these ideal scenarios serve as a benchmark to strive for. While completely eliminating challenges may not always be feasible, couples can work towards minimizing their impact and finding solutions that bring them closer to the ideal state. 

Don’t forget that subtle shifts can lead to significant changes. Plus time management is about PROGRESS, not perfection. Some days, weeks, months or even years, will be better than others. 

By recognizing your specific core time management challenges, adopting your favorite healthy habits, and practicing open communication, you can create a more fulfilling and balanced partnership where you not only get things done, you get down time on your own and together too! 

Keep Practicing. Keep PLAYing!

Now, each couple's journey is unique, so be sure you adapt these tips to fit YOUR specific circumstances. Let me know if I can help! 

      1 - IDENTIFY your top challenges. (See the options above).

• Top 1-3 LIMITATIONS that trip you up the most.
• Top 1-3 PRIORITIES that trip you up the most.
• Top 1-3 COMMUNICATION issues that trip you up the most.

     2 - SELECT yout top 1-3 DOs/Healthy Habits that will make a
    positive difference with your challenges. (See the options
     above).

     3 - DECLARE your next steps / new habits - What do YOU
     commit to? Do NOT push habits on your beloved. AUTONOMY
     is essential. Pick 1-3 to focus on for 30-90 days.

     4 - PRACTICE what you promised &PLAY with it becoming
     easier and more fun too!