BLOG: Identify & Eliminate “Friction Factors”


You’re in the thick of it. You’ve felt the tension building. Now suddenly it’s a free-for-all.

Triggers, reactions and emotions are flying high.

Maybe you even sink to resorting to the no-holds-barred manner of relating.

And it’s off the races to who is right, who’s wrong, who’s the victim or who’s the oppressor.

Things can get nasty, even ugly and you might end up digging a deep hole that’s really tough to dig your relationship out of.

It doesn’t have to be this way. REALLY.


It’s not your fault – Sometimes the challenges in your relationship might seem like an obstacle course! Or even a minefield!

There ARE hurdles, still, as Raj and I like to say… “Wonderful is worth it”

And we can make it MUCH MUCH easier on you. It doesn’t have to be this hard. It CAN even be fun. Raj and I like to call it “Playing Peace.”

While Raj and I have plenty of tips for you for “unhooking in the heat of it”, still the KEY is to take action WELL before you get to that point.

You’re NOT Stuck With Them – You Can RETIRE Them!


Let’s back up a bit here, shall we? Take an observer look at what’s going on…

Any patterns you notice?

It’s likely that you and your beloved fight about the same thing all the time. Or a handful of the same things.

Raj and I call these Repeat Arguments.

Guess what? You’re NOT stuck with them – You can RETIRE them! Although FIRST you have to SPOT them.

Yes. Back to the patterns…Raj and I call these Friction Factors.


IF you are WILLING to INVEST your energy into your relationship BEFORE the fight, rather than unwillingly having your energy getting drained from you later DURING a fight, then you can dramatically reduce the wet blanket weight of any repetitive or soul-numbing conflicts that arise.

This Season of Peace, (now through December), Raj and I are playing a Game – and we invite you to jump in and join us!

We like making a GAME of our GROWTH so this season my beloved and I are going to…

1) Identify what we agree are our top 3 most common Friction Factors right now.

2) Come up with 3 suggestions for each Friction Factors regarding how to reduce or even retire that negative influence on our relationship. (Each of us will create 3).

3) Create tangible reminders of these suggestions from post-its to alarms.

4) Spend 8 weeks PLAYING with CAUSING peace in our relationship by exploring the 6 suggestions we came up with together.

5) Do a “Post-Game-Analysis” to claim our wins, acknowledge our loses and declare next steps.

These 5 simple steps will be a courageous and fruitful exploration and practice.

The Problem Is The PATH


Now when I say exploration, I mean practicing these suggestions will take us (and hopefully you), to unknown territory. It’s an adventure, something new, unfamiliar AND likely full of pitfalls along the way.

Those “pitfalls” are PART of the journey.

As I like to say…”The Problem is the PATH.”

The point is to get PRO-ACTIVE. Take your complaints and get creative! Translate the complaint into a commitment, the “problem” into the path.

It may not always be easy or fun, again – WONDERFUL is SO WORTH IT!

Come play PEACE with us!

   Make a GAME of your GROWTH this Season of Peace by sitting down together and...

  1. Identifying what you and your beloved agree are your top 3 most common Friction Factors right now. (Or just pick one to start small).
  2. Coming up with 3 suggestions for each Friction Factor regarding how to reduce or even retire that negative influence on our relationship. (Each of you will create 3 suggestions).
  3. Creating tangible reminders of these suggestions from post-its to alarms. (use your bathroom mirror, your car, your phone. Use whatever you will see daily).
  4. Spending 8 weeks (or even one to start!), PLAYING with CAUSING peace in your relationship by exploring, practicing and refining the 6 suggestions you two came up with together.
  5. Doing a "Post-Game-Review" to claim your wins, acknowledge your loses and declare your next steps.

Your Ally in Aiming for Awesome,

gaby and raj

1. Jasmine

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