BLOG: Romp Recap To The Rescue
Even Better If-ing
Think of all the places in life we look at what went well, what we loved, and what could have worked better. We often assess how things went and make adjustments for an even better future.
There is even a term for it – EBIs – Even Better Ifs.
Now sometimes a post-assessment might look more like ruminating or getting stuck in the muck of overthinking something. This is NOT that.
OR we simply ignore the opportunity for things to get even better by getting so distracted by life demands and the stressors in a relationship that you end up settling for “it’s fine”.
If that’s you, watch out, because when it comes to relationship and especially your s£x life together, saying you’re doing “fine” is NOT a good place to be. “Fine” is often a slippery slope to f’d up. “Fine” is often a euphemism for “it’s not that important anymore, so I’m ok that it’s not happening or not great.”
That’s NOT You!
That’s sooooo NOT you though! You’re here NOW reading this and leaning into Loving Better. Well done. I know it is not often easy to make the time to make meaningful improvements in your life, let alone to prioritize your sex life enough to Even Better If it
YOU get that if you want a wonderful relationship AND s£x life, that it takes something. Wonderful doesn’t just happen on its own, but it sure is worth what it takes!
Learn From Your Lovin’
Use this tool, the Romp Recap for Keeping the S£x “Dirty”: AFTER. After “the deed is done”, play this Assess and Up-Level Game to make life and love even better.
- Learn from your lovin’
- Bring some of that Even Better If wisdom to your s£x life
- Recap how it went as part of your path to open communication and ever-increasing emotional and physical intimacy.
One of the worst things you can do to a relationship or your sex life is to leave it on autopilot for too long - or even at all! If you want sex to keep getting better and better, it CAN happen. It does nOT have to be that difficult either. Yet what it does take is OPEN and REGULAR COMMUNICATION. Good news! We’ve got a tool/ Game to PLAY for THAT!
Romp Recap to the Rescue
A Romp Recap is a casual, comfortable check-in (usually with specific elements to measure or “score”), about how your s£xy-time experience was the last time you got it on.
The Romp Recap is all about making the discussion of how your last “s£xy-time-session” went as normal and relaxed as it is to talk about where you went for dinner, or what movie you saw.
- “The story was great. The acting was awesome. I thought the ending could have been a little more connected.”
- “The atmosphere was adorable. The food was delicious. The service was good, still, bringing the bill to us more quickly at the end would have made it even better.”
- “The seduction started things off really nicely. Intimacy was strong and I felt deeply connected. It would be even better if sometimes we made eye contact at the point of orgasm.”
Remove the awkwardness or any embarrassment around up-leveling your sex life by making talking about it normal and easy with this Romp Recap tool Use the three criteria we explore below or create your own!
Now talking about the details of your s£x life might be more challenging for some than others. So here is a fun tool and a few key recommendations to make it easier and even fun.
TIP: Remove the Negativity, Blame & Shame.
Timing Is Everything
Note that the Romp Recap is not IMMEDIATELY after “s£xy-time.” THAT is the Post Orgasmic Chill (aka the Post-Sex-Pause – more on that tip on this blog).
First be sure to remove any negativity, blame or shame (which could quickly shut your beloved down instead of opening them up) by applying the seemingly paradoxical formula…
Know that if you and your beloved can let go of there being anything wrong or that needs fixing and just embrace your s£x life exactly where it currently is, while at the same time still lean in to talking about how “sexy-time” can get even BETTER and BETTER. When you do that you have a recipe for “Best-Eva-S£xy-Time.”
TIP: Focus on How It Could Be Even BETTER If!
BEFORE you go with your Even Better Ifs, start with the compliments. Say what felt great and what your favorite part was.
THEN share how it might be even better. Just be sure you say what you DO want, not what you don’t want.
- What NOT to say: “We do the same thing again and again. You’re so predictable.”
- Instead say: “I’d love to mix it up a bit next time and try ______."
Measure What Matters
We picked three meaningful elements to measure that really matter to our s£x life. Use these three or create your own!
Our 3 suggested areas to “score” (Feel free to make up your own too!) are:
Intimacy – How connected were you?
- “That felt fairly well connected. I’d give us an 8. I liked how you noticed when I was trying to move out of that one position and you helped make that shift happen fluidly. It would have been Even Better If we made a bit more eye contact through it all.
- “For intimacy I’d give us a 6 yesterday. That was a hot, almost animalistic experience, which was great AND it would be Even Better If after the awesomely frenzied moments we come back and breathe together a bit.”
- “That didn’t feel so connected yesterday. I’d give us a 4 for intimacy. It would be Even Better If we could talk about that issue that we’ve been avoiding so that we would have nothing between us and nothing else on my mind distracting me when we’re being intimate together.”
S£xiness – How HAWT was it?
- “We were in a deliciously dirty groove there! I’d give us an 8.5 for sexiness today. It would be Even Better If we had full privacy and I didn’t have to worry about being interrupted.”
- “I’d give the sexiness a 6 today. I felt connected and appreciated staying in that deeply related space and not getting swept up in the passion part this time. It would be Even Better If we explored some archetype / roll playing Games to try on characters that have us feel super sexy.”
- It just did not click last night did it? We went for it, yet the sexiness felt like we were a 4. I think it could be Even Better If we were better rested next time. I was so tired I couldn’t really muster my sexier side.”
Technique – How ’bout those skills?
- “I’d give us a 9 for technique last night. We tried at least 3 new things. The only way it would be even better is if next time we take that one favorite things we did and explore that with more attention.”
- That felt like a 6 for us yesterday with technique. I felt the intimacy and even the sexiness and yet it would also be Even Better if we tried something new next time. Is there anything we haven’t ever done before that you want to try?”
- We felt a bit off last night. I’d give us a 4. It would be even better next time if we played around with rhythms of our bodies movement with some intention. Maybe play a Game where you lead and I follow then I lead and you follow - a sexy follow the leader game might be fun. What do you think?”
Again, create your own criteria if these three don’t fit what you want most in your sex life together. Have some fun creating your own top 3 areas to do your Romp Recap around.
Do NOT Score Your Beloved
Alert! The score is for the overall experience together, not scoring your beloved’s performance. The focus is on saying what you liked, what worked, and THEN adding in the Even Better If parts.
Pro-Active About Passion
After over 15 years together, my husband Raj and I, are truly discovering the limitless well of this powerful passionate expression.
This kind of post s£x review can really rev you up for the next time and even get that next time started NOW!
Don’t let the default creep in. Get proactive about being passionate! Make talking about sex simple and even fun. Use this Romp Recap tool regularly and you can pretty much guarantee you’ll get to enjoy Best-Eva-S£xy-Time for years to come. .
Check out the Romp Recap in our Quick Tip Video Clip format here.
- Within 24 hrs after the next time you and your beloved have some "s£xy-time," (but NOT in the hour right after), review the highlights with your partner and have some fun doing it.
- Say what worked first. What was great?
- Then share what could be Even Better If
- Add some more fun to it - Was there an MVP? What move made it so?
- Be sure to write down and set your sights on "Even-Better-If" ideas. Declare what you will do differently next time around.
- BONUS: Create your own three top areas to “score”.
Your Ally in Aiming for Awesome,
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