BLOG: For Better Love Marriage Map Exercise
The Squeaky Wheel
The squeaky wheel gets the grease, right?
That’s why we tend to NOT give our relationship much attention until it DEMANDS it from us.
How squeaky does YOUR relationship wheel have to get before you to DO SOMETHING?
Designed for Delight?
Now what would it be like to put an END to WAITING for problems to surface, THEN dissecting the drama, chasing your tail, arguing over who is MORE to blame…
What if instead you got to design what your ideal and most delightful relationship might look like and then spend your energy and attention on moving TOWARDS that?
Don’t WAIT for problems to move away from. CREATE a vision you’re inspired to move towards!
DISSECT the DRAMA or DESIGN for DELIGHT
Under the Rug
Most couples just WAIT for issues to arise and then MAYBE deal with them.
They THINK it’s easier to sweep the conflicts under the rug and they TRY to move on, but if that’s you, watch out because pretty soon you’ve got a lump in the rug from all the crap you swept under it and now somebody is going to trip and get HURT!
NOT sweeping things under the rug is a HUGE start.
But many couples swing from ignoring conflict and tension to over analyzing and getting stuck focusing on the “problems.” Often instead of ignoring the red flags, they get totally swept up in them, causing and escalating conflict.
A For Better Love Marriage Map (FBLMM)
What if instead, you had a CLEAR map and even a For Better Love Marriage Map (FBLMM) for your ideal relationship?
What would it look like if THAT was what you GAVE your attention to rather than an argument DEMANDING your attention at the worst time possible!
A Map, Mantra & Major Shift
The FBLMM is a powerful exercise that can create a MAP, a MANTRA, and a MAJOR SHIFT in your relationship.
Don’t get dragged around by relationship conflicts. Create a vision for how you want it to be that draws out your intention, attention and action in a new way.
Raj and I went so far as to condense our own vision / aka FBLMM into a short empowering statement (a mantra), that we could memorize and then say to each other daily or at the start of a big conversation or marriage meeting. .
We do this most mornings over breakfast and feel into what is the GAP between what we DECLARED our relationship was about and going to be like and what we are ACTUALLY experiencing and causing in that moment.
“I love my marriage and my husband/wife. We’re playful, peaceful, passionate. We’re hot for each other and express it daily. We generate with intention, we communicate with care. We seek to understand, spot and meet each other’s needs and delights. We care for our bodies, we contribute to the world, we’re on top of what is to be done and are abundant with our finances, time, energy and love.”
This is our Marriage Map (FBLMM) that we lean into and set goals for three times a year for 90 days at a time.
“Synergy is better than my way or your way. It’s our way.” - Steven Covey
Use It Or Lose It
Now behavior changes over TIME. Aha moments, deep insights and even tips and strategies can be helpful, but ONLY if they are used as a regular practice over time. Use it or lose it! Create a HABIT for setting, pursuing and assess your shared goals. Bring play to accountability to create more of the life you both want. Need support? Check out our coaching program HERE.
Keep Your Eyes on the Prize, Vision = Victory
Live with a clear vision of what you want, THEN look at the “problems” ONLY in relationship as to how they might get in the way of what you really want.
Your focus is NOT on the problem itself. Keep your eyes on the PRIZE, not the problems.
The problem is not the problem. The problem is thinking the problem is the problem. The “problem” is actually the PATH.
- Having a clear vision you engage with regularly - almost guarantees victory.
- Winging it, avoiding issues or being satisfied with your relationship being “fine” - virtually guarantees failure.
Creating, and then keeping the FORWARD FOCUS picture vivid in your mind and heart can be a game changer.
Keeping it on the fridge is a great idea too. I even had Raj and my SRV engraved into a brass “credit card” so we can be card carrying members!
Click HERE for the Shared Relationship Vision Creation PLAYbook we made for you. It has step by step instructions plus a place to put your individual and shared visions. Make your own copy and dive in!
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