Both is Better Than One (BIBTO)
Do you ever fight repeatedly about something fairly stupid but you both seem to care A LOT about? This one is a bit embarrassing, but it’s real and current.
And I hope it inspires others to find a way to have an argument turn into intimacy and compromise become SYNERGY.
We’ve used our PEACE PRACTICE of BOTH IS BETTER THAN ONE to go from a repeat aggravation between us to an up-leveling of intimacy.
First – what’s BOTH IS BETTER THAN ONE?
One day when Raj and I were in conflict over our differing perspectives we came up with a solution that was a combo of what each of us had wanted.
Some might call that a compromise, but we frame it as SYNERGY.
We love each other and think the other is wise and cares about us so if they have a strong feeling about something, we can make a GENEROUS assumption that their perspective, even if it differs from our own, is TOTALLY VALID, has something to OFFER that I might not yet see.
It’s about embracing that it actually would be BETTER if we took a little bit from each of our perspectives and COMBINED them so SYNERGY is present.
Second – Now about that repeat rift that was so aggravating (and how we applied that PEACE PRACTICE of BOTH IS BETTER THAN ONE)…
One of Raj’s names is AMBIANCE MAN. He loves to make our space beautiful. It is relaxing and deeply enjoyable for him. Yet at times it can occur as WAY to PARTICULAR for me and I get frustrated.
Making the bed had been a point of tension between us for months. (I know…. Making the bed. Really important stuff here. But hey… conflict comes where conflict comes!)
Raj likes to have only the decorative pillows out during the day. He doesn’t like how the pillows I sleep with out. (He is a bit of a monk and sleeps with a towel or firm blanket folded up).
Every day he puts the sleeping pillows in the closet.
But then when I go to crawl into bed late at night, expecting to lay down my tired head on a soft pillow…I find a pretty, yet scratchy, hard, uninviting, actually offensive pillow.
I want to put my head down NOW. I do not want to have to get out of bed, go to the other side of the room and get my pillows.
They’re pillows! They should just be on the bed right?!
Or at least that’s what I say as I’m loudly lamenting about climbing into bed to find myself instantly aggravated for not having my sleeping pillows ready for me.
So after a few months of me complaining about this with a borderline obnoxious groan as I crawled into bed, Raj came up with a BRILLIANT BOTH IS BETTER THAN ONE idea.
Raj’s Delightful Turn Down Service!
So now when I start cooking dinner, that’s Raj’s cue to turn down the bed just like at a nice hotel.
He pulls off the decorative pillows and pulls out the sleeping ones and even pulls down the sheets so it’s easy for me to climb in.
He even puts a glass of water next to my side of the bed for me!
I feel loved, it looks lovely during the day and we have SYNERGY and partnership present.
PEACE is restored and snuggling and sexy-time can continue.
What is an area you and your beloved disagree about and how might you combine those for your own super satisfying SYNERGY?
1. Pick an issue you feel on different sides of. Start small to practice the skillbefore applying it to the “biggies”.
2. Identify what the two “sides” are. Be specific about any feelings, needs or requests.
3. Look for the synergy in combining both perspectives. Not what is in the middle, but what is a bit of both.
4. Look for the gift of the synergy - what is the lesson, opening, opportunity, benefit that comes out of looking for synergy?
5. Move forward in action with that synergy in mind, looking for the BOTH of what you each wanted.
NOTE: If you’re aching to resolve something, struggling with it on your own and think you’re a fit for our personalized support, set up a consult call today and let’s to find your BIBTO together.
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