8 Sexy Ways to Keep It Juicy Between You
Slow Drift to the Default
Keeping things sexy in a relationship, especially over time, isn’t easy. It certainly doesn’t come naturally to most. The norm is to fall prey to the slow drift into the default sex life. The predictable sex life. It can easily get dull, dry or even non-existent. Soon, what you once craved, becomes a chore. Then one day you’re living more like roommates than lovers, embarrassed about the state of your relationship or the last time you had sex. Augh.
My husband Raj and I have been getting it on for over 15 years now. That’s a chunk of time and a lot of make out sessions. Over the years we DID start to notice that what was once very sexy, had somehow started to become routine. We had to lean in to Loving Better if we were going to avoid becoming a sad story or worse a divorce statistic.
Our Limiting Maps
When it comes to sex, most of us unconsciously form our boundaries of comfort and interests and stick pretty close to that limiting map. That’s why it’s so easy for the passion to go kaput. Things can get stale if you’re not paying attention. Be your own intimacy hero and triumph over predictable or unsatisfying sex.
If Raj and I succumbed to an auto-pilot sex life, we could have expected the cliché that it’s all downhill until one day it’s non-existent.
No thank you. Not for us. And not for you.
It IS Avoidable
This negative norm is NOT inevitable. Drifting into the dry and dreary default relationship and sex life IS avoidable. Intimacy expert, Tziporah Kingsbury once said on our Fights Clean Sex Dirty show, “No matter where you are in your sex life right now, I PROMISE you, you’re just scratching the surface.” WHAT?! When she said that, it was mind-blowing. It was as if I had my first orgasm all over again.
A whole new world of wonderful opened up and the exploration was ON.
Once you let go of the cliché notion that if you’ve been together a while that, “this is as good as it’s going to get, (and it’s only going to get worse from here).”, then you can LEAN IN and have some FUN up-leveling your sex life. Let go of the all-too-accepted idea that “the best is behind you”. It’s NOT. At least it doesn’t HAVE to be. A happy, healthy and how sex life IS possible, even after decades together.
Great sex and the intimacy around it, is WAY too good to give up on. So don’t.
What If It Gets BETTER?
Why not switch out thinking “what if this is as good as it gets?” with a more empowering, “how could this get even better?” Wouldn’t THAT be a juicy conversation? Juicy conversations are the best access to a juicy relationship and sex life.
Juicy conversations may be the best way, but not the only way. There are ENDLESS ways to keep things juicy between you and your beloved.
Here are a few of my favorite inspiring ideas and playful accessories for juicing things up between you in the bedroom and beyond.
Keepin’ It Juicy
- Pause the Predictable - Do the opposite of what you normally do, mix it up just for the sake of mixing it up. If one of you normally initiates, have the other do it. Try a different time of day, place or technique. Use a set of dice or a kinky truth or dare game. Whatever you do, do it differently than you usually do it.
- Nurture Novelty - Don’t stop at NOT doing your usual. Do something you’ve never done! If you’re not sure what your partner will be into, you can fill out a Will Want Wont list and pick something new you both want to try. BONUS: Take all of the new things you both want and put each on a separate piece of paper. Put them in a bowl, grab one out of go with it!
- Rev Up w Roll Play - A great way to do things differently is to not be you! That’s different. Try on an archetype. Get creative with characters and costumes. Create mystery, curiosity and new level of sexiness and fun with your favorite characters or personas. Check out this set of flash cards and pull out your favorites to try or go for this Come As You Aren’t game.
- Reveal What’s Been Concealed - Intimacy is INTO-ME-YOU-SEE so revealing your hidden thoughts and desires is deeply intimate. Release any shame or embarrassment. Ask for that thing you want to do. Your desires means something good about you. Even those secret desires. Lean into what’s under the NEXT layer of you.
- Egg On the Anticipation - The build up itself can actually add a lot to the level of emotional and physical intimacy. Sometimes, the longer it builds, the stronger the orgasm. The tease can be tortuous, yet also delicious. Take your time. Make time to be undisturbed and undistracted. Let go of the rush. Enjoy the exploration of the slow build to bliss.
- Lay On the Lube - It wouldn’t be a Keepin’ It Juicy list without the lube, now would it? Make sure your picks are healthy for the body and tasty to the tongue. My two favorites are this incredible avocado oil and the uber awesome, uberlube lubricant. If you like the smell of chocolate, you’ll love this cocoa butter. These wonderful wafers start solid, then melt into magic sauce with the heat of your skin.
- Let Yourself Loose - Oh to be yourself. Your naughty, nice, sacred, slutty self. Your ALL OF IT self. Say what’s in that delightfully dirty mind of yours. Open up your throat and let the sounds out. Be ALL of you, your most freaky and free self - all while still honoring your beloved’s experience as well of course.
- Get Ready to Gush - No one likes laying in a wet spot, so when you’re Keepin’ It Juicy, you might want to get in on some gear so you’re good to gush with glee. From pretty rose circles to out of this world squares, these bold blankets are great to throw down before getting it on. If you want a designated love mop this one is fun, soft and super absorbent.
Explore this list. Create your own. Test it out and experiment with what is most sexy and fun for the two of you. Turn this into an adventure in up-leveling your intimacy, now and for years to come.
It WON’T happen on its own. And YES, it IS up to you. You’re the only person who you can change. So do what YOU can do to make your sex life is a delight. Lead the way to keeping it juicy between you no matter how long you’ve been together.
The best IS yet to come IF you cultivate it. It won’t come on it’s own.
It’s important to note that while it’s a great idea to lean in to where you can up-level your love life, Best-Ever-Sexy-Time and even just Keepin’ It Juicy is NOT something you can force to happen, especially WHEN you want it to happen. Still you CAN set up the CONDITIONS for a best-ever experience to EMERGE.
Explore how you can Keep It Juicy and call in your personal best-evers by stacking the cards in your favor with the Action Option below.
- Review the list of 7 suggestions for Keepin’ It Juicy and pick 2-3 options to explore or come up with new ideas.
- Share the full list with your beloved as well as your top picks.
- Ask your beloved what their top 2-3 picks are.
- Pick one from each other’s top picks to try and try it!
- BONUS: Pick one to surprise your beloved with.
Your Ally in Aiming for Awesome,
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