BLOG: The 60 Second Habit for Easy Access to Awesome Intimacy
A Big Kissing Whoops
Have you ever had a healthy habit that you loved, then one day woke up and realized it was gone? Whoops!
After nearly fifteen years together, my husband and I woke up one day and realized we had let our kissing slide.
For over a decade we had a habit of kissing before bed and then one day we didn’t. It happened slowly. So slowly we didn’t even realize it. It just crept up on us.
Roommates or Romantic Partners?
We know that if we let the little things slide, that they add up. And soon, we become more functional than flirty. If we don’t invest in intimacy we’d be sure to end up more like roommates than romantic partners.
So we did as we tend to do, we created a Game to play. It’s called Name That Kiss and it’s been our favorite relationship Game we’ve created in YEARS.
An Evolution of Intimacy
The Name That Kiss Game has evolved into what it is now.
It started with us setting a goal/playing a Game to kiss goodnight every night.
Then we decided to kick it up a notch with the kissing games by adding in a morning kiss. We try to shower together most mornings to start the day connected, so we thought a morning shower kiss would be a great addition especially as we are more alert than we are at bedtime and we can bring more intention and attention to the kisses themselves, not just having a kiss.
The am and pm kisses were flirty additions to our day. They became mini seductions that added up to a lot more intimacy, sexiness and even a best ever sexy-time session.
The kisses added back in a layer of love and passion that we didn’t realize was waning.
But then we came up with the Name That Kiss Game and we’ve been LOVING not just the kisses, but the ripple effect of them too.
Layers of Lovely
Playing the Name That Kiss Game has led to layers of lovely learning and experiences.
- We’ve revealed subtle NUANCES of what kisses we each like best.
- We’ve discovered WHEN we like different types of kisses.
- We got clear on what we DON’T like AND how to talk about it.
- We’ve made up NEW kisses.
- We stoked the coals of sexiness keeping them HOT and ready to set fire with ease.
Here’s how it works. Of course, make it your own. Adapt this Game to what inspires joy and intimacy between you.
- Step 1. INSTIGATE
- Step 2. OPT IN with OPTIONS
- Step 3. ACT
Step 1. INSTIGATE
One of you becomes the intimacy instigator and initiates a kiss by saying “Name that kiss.” This person initiates the intimacy and signals they are open to intimacy, but it is up to the other person to not only give consent but to describe HOW they want to be kissed.
Step 2. OPT IN with OPTIONS
The receiver has options...
- Decide IF you want a kiss.
- If so, what kind of kiss you want.
- Describe the kiss you want. Have fun. Be creative.
Note the receiver may not be up for a kiss.
Consent is not only required, it is sexy. Tell your beloved what you want in that moment.
The receiver might even pass on a kiss or go for a hug instead. Or they might be feeling silly and describe a kiss you’ve never even considered before.
Often I’m the one who remembers to initiate and call out “Name that kiss!” so sometimes my husband will respond with “YOU name that kiss.”
The nuances of this part have been a lot of fun. Some favorites…
- A 3 second lower lip kiss, followed by a 3-second upper lip kiss.
- A nibble kiss from hand to the neck.
- A 5-second eye gaze followed by a ten-second french kiss.
- A neck kiss from behind.
Step 3. ACT
The instigator delivers the kiss (or hug), the way their beloved asked for it.
Of course, there is consent involved here so if your beloved requests something you’re not up for, negotiate a new kiss. But where you can, lean into the YES to your beloved’s desired kisses.
Gateway to Getting it On
One of the big bonuses of paying attention to and generating our kissing habits is that it extends beyond kissing.
Kissing became our gateway to getting it on. The more we explored our am and pm kisses, the more connected and sexy we felt, the more we initiated sexy-time with each other.
When we kiss at least twice a day, the emotional distance between us is short and the onramps to sexy-time are much easier to cross. And it was cumulative too.
Tend to Your Garden
If you don’t tend to your relationship garden, especially your physical intimacy, weeds (distance), will grow. It is the day-to-day dynamic you create habitually that will determine your relationship happiness.
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it’s because they take better care of it. - Cecil Selig
YOU get to create your Couple Culture. You get to create your kissing culture too. How it is, is not how it has to be.
The point of playing relationship Games is to grow together. It’s about resolving conflicts and meeting your own and each other’s needs with intention, allyship, and FUN.
Note that we are all very different so a Game that excited you, might be a nightmare for your beloved.
Make this Game your own. Add parts, delete parts or adapt it.
My husband and I just added in two new elements to our kissing Game. Eye contact for 10 seconds before the kiss and after the kiss eye contact and we say “FOREVER”.
It’s your relationship and your life. Find what works for you, Just keep PLAYING!
Your relationship mission, should you accept it is to…
- Ask your beloved if they’re up for playing a kissing Game.
- Share this Game and ask if they want to play this one or modify it.
- Post reminders that say Name That Kiss in places you will see it.
- Initiate and engage with the Game
- After a few days or a week check in with what you have discovered.
- Together modify/personalize the Game for what inspires and delights you next.
Your Ally in Aiming for Awesome,
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