BLOG: Set & Setting Are EVERYTHING
Set & Setting Are EVERYTHING!
I’m not into psychedelics, but I sure am into super satisfying sex!
Still, you can learn a lot about how to have super-satisfying-sex by taking a lesson out of the psychedelic handbook.
“Set and setting” is EVERYTHING.
Dr. Norman E. Zinberg developed this theory as applied to psychedelic experiences, but it’s a great eye opener when applied to SEXUAL experiences too!
Sex Is A LOT Like “Tripping”
When you think about it, “tripping” and sex can be quite similar…
They are both intimate, open, vulnerable experiences where a little preparation can go a LONG way.
Just take a look at the Wikipedia description and imagine these elements as applied to your sexlife.
- “Set” is the mental state a person brings to the experience, like thoughts, mood and expectations.
- “Setting” is the physical and social environment.
You and your beloved’s mental state or mood and your surroundings are the two most critical contributing factors to having great sex (or for some, a great trip).
“Stress, fear, or a disagreeable environment, may result in an unpleasant experience (a bad trip)”
Or in this case, bad sex or even NO sex at all!
“Conversely, a relaxed, curious person in a warm, comfortable and safe place is more likely to have a pleasant experience.”
Warm, comfortable, relaxed, safe – yes please! Sounds like a perfect environment for stripping down and getting down.
Ultra Unsettling or Supremely Sexy
A bad trip, or in this case bad sex (or sex not happening at all), “can be exacerbated by the inexperience or irresponsibility of the user.”
Both in psychedelics, and in sex, failure to prepare can lead to “anxiety and alienation.”
Your mental state and physical surroundings, can be ULTRA UNSETTLING or SUPREMELY SEXY.
Plain and simple, set and setting make a HUGE difference.
It’s the difference between enjoying a heart and body opening adventure in intimacy or suffering through an awkward, frustrating, even anxiety provoking and arduous entanglement.
When you want to create a special sexy experience for you and your beloved, you might ask yourself….
- What mood are you bringing to the sexual experience? Are you stressed? Distracted? Or present and excited? Are you feeling self focused or are you thinking of your partner’s pleasure?
- What mood is your beloved in? Worried? Stressed? Vulnerable? Playful? Peaceful? Passionate? Can you meet your beloved where they are at in the moment and help them transition into this sexy adventure with you?
- Where you’ll physically be – Is there privacy? Will you be distrubed? Is it ok to make some noise?
- Any impact of the time of day – Is your beloved not yet awake? Too late and passing out? Guests coming over? Kids coming home? What time is sexy-time o’clock?
- What your beloved will see – Do you have soft lighting or candles? Is the space clear or cluttered?
- What your beloved will smell – Does the space smell nice? What aromatherapy might add to the mood?
- What will your beloved taste – A drink of water or wine? Grapes or chocolate? Perhaps something more savory. Just consider.
- What your beloved will hear – Distracted by voices or activity nearby? Do you have music that sets the tone for terrific sex?
- What will your beloved feel – Is the temperature too hot or cold? Is the seduction happening too fast or too slow?
Asking these questions can offer some SERIOUS PAY OFFS in the form of new levels of passion and pleasure…What Raj and I call Triple-Double-Best-Ever-Sexy-Time.
A Little Forethought = A Fabulous Sex Life
Now More Than Ever
Paying attention to your partner, their cues, their moods and what melts them does take some effort, still it’s far less effort than all the upset and tension that can be avoided when you have a happy, healthy and hot sex life.
NOW, more than EVER is when seduction matters most!
If you prepare for passion, even just a little, you might get your socks (and more) knocked off.
A little forethought can lead to a fabulous sex-life.
1. Ask your beloved about what kind of a set and setting would have them feel sexy (and safe). Ask the questions listed above. Feel free to create a few questions of your own.
2. Take notes on ideas how to support your beloved's likes and dislikes, concerns or distractions.
3. Review your list of ideas and circle your favorite three.
4. Be sure to stay tuned for our latest episode 2.3 of Fights Clean Sex Dirty TV - "How to Avoid Argument On-Ramps!"
5. Stay aware of what is well received and what gets shrugged off or pushed away. Repeat steps 1-5 to refine and re-iterate.
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