BLOG: 8 Awesome Educators for “Keeping the Sex Dirty”
Easy & Automatic - NOT!
It’s interesting how couples often think a healthy, happy and hot sex life should just happen on it’s own. If it doesn’t, they often think something is wrong with them, their beloved or their relationship. The reality is that just like any other complex, deep, nuanced area of life, a great sex life takes something. Especially if you’ve been together a long time.
7 Year Itch
I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and the physical and emotional intimacy just keeps getting better and better. Now that did NOT happen on its own. Seven years into our marriage we talked about the cliche of the 7 Year Itch, (where after 7 years together things decline and people get an itch to end it or start to “stray”). We wanted to make sure THAT did not happen to us. We decided that if we were going to have an itch for anything, it was to have the best sex we’ve ever had.
New Levels of Lust
Our sex life was pretty healthy, happy and hot, yet we started to notice patterns and bad habits forming, with too much of our experience becoming routine. We were starting to lose some of our luster. We were finding new levels of love year after year so why not new levels of lust too? Shouldn’t we get BETTER at it after knowing each other all these years?
A 90 Day Game
We created a Game, (set a goal), to have the best sex we had ever had at least every 90 days. We’d get it on more often of course, but we were aiming for at least one Best-Ever-Sexy-Time every quarter. We did not want to look back on our early years of intimacy as the best it ever was between us. We wanted to lean into Loving Better and being better lovers, year after year.
Become Better Lovers
Now you can’t control a Best Ever. You can’t MAKE it happen. Yet you CAN create the conditions for it to emerge. IF you lean into Loving Better instead of assuming it should just happen on it’s own. You don’t have to become a sex ninja or a pro at some crazy position. What makes a difference is bringing your intention, attention and action to becoming better lovers. A little bit of energy, especially spread out over time, makes a big difference.
It’s not about loving perfectly, it is about Loving Better.
8 Awesome Educators for “Keeping the Sex Dirty”
There are endless options to becoming better lovers together. Here are just a few of my favorite educators for explorations in up-leveling intimacy.
These favorite friends of sexienss bring their education, wisdom, experience and hearts to supporting couples and individuals in loving their sensual self and sex life together. They all bring their own unique perspectives and pathways to greater pleasure. Explore the possibilities then pursue your own path forward.
- Eva Clay is a sexual revolutionary, relentlessly curious intellectual, and on a mission to make sex a spiritual practice. She’s been a sex educator, psychotherapist, activist, and academic for 20 years. She taps into sacred sexuality, tantra, Taoist practices, and other philosophies to marry the mind, body and soul in sexuality. She shows individuals and couples how to harness sexual energy as a source of power and to see pleasure as healing medicine. If you want to claim your sexual wholeness, learn how to ask for what you want and build emotional intimacy, she’s an awesome option.
- Alexa Martinez, aka That Sex Chick, is edgy yet elegant and balances honoring boundaries while stretching possibilities. She and her team can teach you all about enjoying more orgasms and learning new tricks, but also much more than that. Don’t let sex become serious or stale. Bring in some more fun, light, and playfulness. From her Will Want Wont list to her sex & love labs (that take under an hour), Lex will help you get clear on your desires and how to make them a reality. Don’t miss That Sex Group. On FB. It’s my go-to-guide for getting questions answered about all things pleasure.
- Celine Remy aka The Intimacy Angel, combines somatic healing techniques to transform a client’s relationship with their body and sexuality. She’s a certified Sexological Bodyworker, fluent in the language of pleasure, possibilities, confidence and healing, integrating her studies in Switzerland, Thailand, India and beyond. Celine and her husband Kevin offer a 90 day program to bring the passion back between the sheets and be “synced up” sexually so that you can thrive.
- Mia Cara is known for thrival living in two areas, sensuality and wellness. She has developed a practice that combines these into a sensual wellness training for couples. She’ll prep you to create your own special evening at home, using rope play as a tool for emotional intimacy and heart-felt sensuality. She focuses on the energetic connection rather than on the rope itself. It’s about how to be in control and how to surrender, both ways that increase connection and eroticism when done in a healthy connected way. From beginners to experienced, she holds a beautiful edge for what’s next. Couples experience deep trust and such a safe loving container that many report that they go on to have the most connected sex of their relationships. She customizes every session and makes sure to follow up. A beautiful set of ropes is sent to each couple for the virtual session.
- Jaiya is a somatic sexologist, author of numerous books about sexual satisfaction and creator of the Erotic Blueprint Quiz. She describes herself as a “unique mix of Dr. Ruth, Lady Gaga and a Yogi” helping people reach their full erotic potential. Along with her partner Ian, she teaches clear communication, deep connection, hot passion and sexual fulfillment. If you’re looking to create magnetic attraction and sexual vitality and you want to learn advanced sex skills and erotic secrets for maximim satisfaction in your relationship and life, Jaiya is it. Take her quiz and see what kind of lover YOU are!
- Laurie Handlers is a sassy and fun educator, author, sex & happiness coach. She has a Masters degree in Education and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Sociology. Her wisdom, experience and fun personality make upleveling your sex life an easy and accessible act . She taught transformational workshops since 1978 covering topics like how to heal the body, releasing past emotional trauma, stopping the aging process, and reducing stress. She is a master at what she does whether in her workshops, private sessions or seminars. Think tantra meets bdsm, plua sex magic, all in one.
- Destin Gerek is a Certified Sexologist and globally recognized leading voice in masculinity, sexuality, and personal empowerment. He’s the founder of The Evolved Masculine, a pioneering coaching and training company for men, and author of the best-selling book “The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs, and The One She Craves”. Plus he’s got a podcast packed with courageous authenticity and purposeful wisdom called "The Evolved Masculine: Redefining Sex, Power, & Success". For the men ready to step into their personal next level as a lover and man, you don’t want to miss this guy.
- Alex Allman is the author of the best selling book REVOLUTIONARY SEX and the creator of a variety of programs for creating clear communication, deeper intimacy while nurturing sexual confidence and enhancing sexual pleasure. Since 1993 he has been studying and refining his heart-centered theories on sexuality and relationships. Through his writing, lectures, videos, and public appearances, he has helped tens of thousands of men, women, and couples achieve greater confidence, intimacy, relationship health, and love.
Make it a Habit
If you want to ensure that your sex-life keeps getting better and better, well then get more and more curious. Ask questions. Find new edges. Make it safe to explore and express.
Remember it is not about being a perfect lover or loving perfectly. It IS about Loving Better. Progress, not perfect is a helpful mantra.
Many couples go through life just hoping that these issues will suddenly resolve themselves and sex will become a fulfilling event. This is seldom the case. It won’t happen on it’s own but it will happen, IF you lean IN to Loving Better as a HABIT.
You don’t have to figure it out and certainly don’t need to “know what you’re doing”. Just stay open, engaged and in exploration about what is next for you and your beloved.
Do what inspires or intrigues you. It matters less what you do, but more that you do SOMETHING. Take a quiz, read a book, participate in a course... find YOUR path forward to the next level of passion and pleasure with your beloved.
- Ask yourself “How can I love better by being a better lover?”, write down what comes up.
- Review the list of intimacy educators and the awesome options they offer.
- Pick one action to take…
- within 24 hours (schedule a reminder)
- within 1 week (schedule a reminder)
- within 1 month (schedule a reminder)
- within 1 year (schedule a reminder)
4. Play full out to explore the delicious edges of what is next for you.
Let us know how it went!
Your Ally in Aiming for Awesome,
Plus be first for top tips, tools and techniques for